Our Top 5 Questions About Kimye Wedding 2014

Kimye Wedding is THIS WEEKEND! We haven’t been this excited about a Kardashian wedding since Kim’s last one 3 years ago! So exciting! Because this time it features her fiancé, megalomaniac extraordinaire and our social media director’s personal hero, the one and only Yeezus. Kanye West is, in alls actuality, the star of this wedding, not Kim. So, it comes as no surprise that the wedding will go down as Kimye in Paris, but there are a few nagging questions we have.

In order of ascending importance:

Did Kanye choose Kim’s Wedding wardrobe?

For her sake, we really really hope not. But even if he insisted on a Givenchy gown, we’re fearful for his influence over Riccardo Tischi. Can totally see him holding closed-door meetings to go over Kanye’s sketches for Kim’s gown(s). Let’s be real, there’ll be more than one. Probably more than three.

Will Kanye wear a white leather kilt?

Or leather jogging pants? Or a full leather tux? If there isn’t leather involved, we’re going to be really upset. So is Riccardo.

What color will the bridesmaids wear? Will there be bridesmaids?

They’re kind of a Kardashian bad luck charm at this point. But we’d love to see the Kardashian Jenner ladies in some avant grade bridesmaids dresses. If Kim’s Balmain bachelorette dress – a futuristic warrior princess spin on an Antoinettian color palette – is any indication, the sisters Kardajenner will not be donning Vera Wang again.

Wedding in Paris or Florence? Or Both?

With sites reserved in both cities, rumors of a Versailles rehearsal dinner and a Florentine reception are flying. How many private jets did they charter for their guests? We sometimes complain about the break between Catholic mass weddings and the cocktail hour, how will Kimye guests feel about an extra passport stamp between ceremony and reception? Probably not the same… But are they even going to take jets? Or did DONDA crack teleportation? Ok, that was more than one question.

WILL BEYONCE BE THERE?

No explanation needed.

Really, we have so many more questions, the vast majority of which pertain to wardrobe choices. For the sake of a flashy headline, we limited the big q’s to 5, but here are some other thoughts:

How much money did it take for Lana Del Rey to change her mind?

When did Brittanie Gastineau and Kim resolve their feud? (See bachelorette pics)

How does Paris Hilton feel about all this?

Conspiracy theory: Did Paris prompt this article to remind people why this weekend is international news at all?

What sort of symphony will Kanye perform in honor of “Kim”?

What will North’s flower girl dress look like?

Whose cleavage will be more impressive, Kim’s or Kanye’s?

Which magazine will get exclusive rights to the photos?

How many helicopters will be involved in Kanye’s ceremony entrance?

Or did he just skip straight to unicorns?

How many pieces of Louis Vuitton luggage, rounded to the nearest thousand, are in Paris right now?

WHAT WILL THE WEDDING JEWELRY LOOK LIKE? Flash back to Kim’s wedding jewelry from husband number 2.

You know we’ll be anxiously awaiting the answers to these questions all weekend. We’ll be back Tuesday, hopefully with all these details and MORE.

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