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Things You Didn't Know You Needed: A Diamond Morphsuit

You’ve heard of the Morphsuit, right? Incredibly flattering second skin spandex body suits that cover you from head to toe? These gorgeous pieces of fashion are all the rage among boisterous sports fans, small children, and Victoria’s Secret models. We’re kidding, but surely some of those assumptions are correct. Anyways, in addition to making for extremely cool and cute children’s Halloween costumes, Morphsuits come in such a plethora of colors and patterns that you could feasibly wear a different one every single day of the year. Zombie Morphsuit? Check. Killer clown? Check. Super fancy tuxedo Morphsuit? You know it James Bond. But other than reenacting the Greenman scene from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, trick or treating or starting a new career as a street performer, it might be hard to imagine just what type of occasions you’d wear the Morphsuit on. Wonder no more, because we’ve got a Morphsuit suited for your next black tie affair (no it’s not the spandex tux.)

Enter the diamond Morphsuit. Why no, it is not a diamond patterned Morphsuit, nor is it one covered in glitter, nor one that depicts diamonds all over it (also not one covered in photos of Rihanna, but we digress). The diamond Morphsuit is a steely gray number coated in diamonds to supply the huge demand for fancier Morphsuits that founder Gregor Lawson insists is an actual thing. The suit was dubbed “The Mercedes Benz of Morphsuits” (synergy marketing opportunity, Mercedes!) It is coated in 20,000 diamonds – no word on carat weight – but is allegedly very comfortable and easy for the wearer to see through. Our friends at Born Rich wonder who will be the first celebrity to purchase one. We wonder the same thing and so, so much more.

First of all, we wonder why we’re even questioning who the first celeb diamond Morpher will be, because obviously Kanye has already bought all existing suits. Which leads us to our next question: How pissed is Margiela? This is a blatant ripoff of those super stylish jewel masks, non? How does one see through diamonds? Is said view going to result in more of a kaleidoscope type view or more of a ‘The Fly’ situation? How does one accessorize a diamond Morphsuit? Do you attempt to wear shoes? If so, what shoe could possibly be dressy enough? What are we thinking? Clearly Giuseppe Zanotti would have the answer. How heavy is the diamond Morphsuit? Are we talking 20,000 .50 pointers here? Or micropave? What kind of setting do you think they’re in? Platinum or gold? How do you use the restroom in this? What do you wear underneath? Is there enough Spanx in the world for us to think this could be flattering? Are we wrong and disturbed for even wondering? Would this be proper attire for the Las Vegas Antique Jewelry Show? Do you think Kanye will let us borrow one? Who decided to add the stylish cape shrug? Who designed this masterpiece? Who really, truly believed that this was a good idea? And who’s laughing now, because it’s all we’ll be talking about for the next three days?

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