What to Do if You Find An Engagement Ring Before He Proposes
Oh. My. Gosh. You found a ring! Or a receipt! Or a suspiciously sparkly browsing history on your boyfriend’s computer! Congratulations, you snoop. Kidding! Whether you were hunting for clues or simply folding laundry, you are now privy to some major information: someone you love bought an engagement ring. Or is very close to signing on the dotted line. First things first, let’s jump up and down in a circle while we squeal – promise we’re doing it with you. Ok, good? Time to call your Mom/Sis/Best Friend? NO. Put down the phone. Step awaaaay from your G-Chat. If you’ve already got the ring your finger “just to make sure it fits” take it off. Now.
Deep breath. You now have one singular mission in life: erase the last 5 minutes from your memory. Visit a hypnotherapist if you need to, or better yet, the memory erasing firm from Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. You need to put on a poker face, and forget you ever saw that diamond. Bonus points if you resisted the urge to even peek once you saw the box. You must now endure the tortuous giddiness of waiting for an impending proposal.
That means you may need to wait weeks. Possibly even months. Yes, months. Because here’s the thing: as much as you can’t wait to scream YES!” and finally show that amazing engagement ring off to all your friends and family, your guy has a plan. Or he’s at least brainstorming very hard to think of amazing proposal ideas. You can’t spoil this for him. He only gets to do this once, and he probably has an idea of how it should go down. It likely means a lot to him that he surprises you. And if he’s type A. he might have a very elaborate vision of exactly how his proposal (yes HIS proposal, not yours) is going to unfold. So that means staying mum until his perfect, tree-side proposal on Christmas morning, even if you found it as you were putting away his Halloween costume. And nope, you can’t make a peep if you find it the month before your big anniversary trip. You can’t even say anything if said vacation comes and goes with nary diamond in sight. He might be trying to catch you off guard with an elaborate, romantic evening the week after you return. You can’t say anything.
No, you can’t say anything even if you don’t like the ring he chose. That’s probably the absolute worst way to let him know. If, and only if, the sight of your ring made you pukey a la Carrie Bradshaw, you may enlist help from your subtlest friend. Then, and only then, can she needle him until he admits he bought a ring, ask to see it, and maybe gently guide him toward your Pinterest boards. This could still backfire, and is a completely moot point if he’s proposing with a family heirloom. You can always accept a ring you’re not crazy about (as long as you are nuts about him), then mention to him a week or two later you were hoping for something a little different or more modern. It’s all in how you phrase it.
And when he’s down on one knee, with your dream ring (or not) right in front of you, you’ll have no problem acting at least slightly surprised (unless he like, taped a proposal itinerary to the ring box you found.) You might even be surprised that yes, it’s actually happening! And you can say yes, with tears of joy (if that’s your thing) and watch him grin triumphantly. In his mind, he’s The Man, rode off into the sunset with you on a white horse, saved you from King Kong, we’re not sure what goes on in their minds, but this was a feat of accomplishment for him. He’d been planning this moment since he knew you were The One, since he carefully selected your ring from hundreds, since he planned this amazing proposal, and since he hid the engagement ring in a not so great hiding place. Don’t take that away from him! You can come clean at a later time, for instance when he’s grinning wildly at his new bride, 2 margaritas deep on your honeymoon. Soften the blow, you know?
What would you do if you found an engagement ring?